i dont know why i didnt write a post last week. i tried to! i started writing on a few occasions but realized i dont really know what to write so i stopped and deleted whatever i had written because it seemed dumb after awhile. i never know what to talk about or write anymore, especially knowing someones actually out there and listening. it makes it a lot more difficult for me to feel secure and validate my thoughts before expressing them.
last week, we talked about the silence because there was a lot of it. we decided that we were exchanging stories this week; i told her about “The Man Who Mistook His Wife For a Hat” this clinical story by a neurologist, Oliver Sacks, about a man with visual agnosia and she read me “The Girl Without Hands.” i dont really feel like writing about what we talked about the stories.. umm, im a visual person and pears are delicious, whatever.
she asked me how i wanted to acheive what i wanted through psychotherapy. this part of the session resonated the most with me because dude, i dont know. its pretty much impossible for me to completely let my guard down and tell Anyone about my deep dark thoughts. how do you get to that point with someone where you just trust them to listen to everything and anything you have to say? im way too guarded for that. i dont even know what most of my thoughts are because i spend so much time repressing them. im more comfortable and safe being superficial. i guess its sort of like a cut, a superficial wound doesnt hurt so much and you walk away pretty much unscathed but the deeper the wound, it hurts more and takes longer to heal; plus, it could get infected and you have to apply and reapply neosporin and mederma to prevent scarring.. wait, what was i talking about?
