little boxes

anyway, so what i wrote before it got deleted forever was that therapy was super awkward and because i was doing what i always do- avoiding dealing with or talking about my feelings. and instead, staring at an ugly red rug that i just drew because that’s what most of my attention was focused on.

i hope as i continue these sessions, i can finally deal with all the feelings and issues that i haven’t been dealing with for the past 4 years of my life, doing all the things i thought i was supposed to be doing while i was drowning in college life, antidepressants, weed and booze. i mean, being really detached and numb and floating in a haze through life was ok, i guess. really great defense mechanism and all but i think its time to grow up and actually deal with life. maybe learn a thing or two about myself? what i want, maybe? because let’s face it, im drifting by right now, not knowing what im doing or where im going. but i DO know that im supposed to do something REALLY great and awesome with my life. i just have ni puta idea as to what that is yet… but i will.